I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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