my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
