eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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