Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
