jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
