So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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