Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
