I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Say something about gay babies.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
