I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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