suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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