Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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