my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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