For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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