Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
