she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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