I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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