so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
