HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
