Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
it's great music for shaving your balls
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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