I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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