I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
