we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
This is my life. Enjoy the view
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
