Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
