3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
