Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
where does the pee come out of this thing
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
