oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
