I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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