loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
