I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
