I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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