something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
