I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
