i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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