When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
