oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
FUCK WHALES
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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