Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Alive.
So much puke
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
