..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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