im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
