I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
