Are we in a gay sports bar?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
two words...techno handjob
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize