Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize