Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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