tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
false alarm, still single
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
