he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
