First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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