i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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