I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
