I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My ass is underappreciated
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
