the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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