Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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