doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Will exercising make me less horny?
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