If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
