I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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