I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
