Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
