if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
