I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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