WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
