Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He has the fingertips of a God
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
