I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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