No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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