Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We named our party play list daddy issues
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
