he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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