i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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