Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize