Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
