Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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