Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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