Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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