You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize