Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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