my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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