all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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