summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
we should paint friendship bongs
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize