And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
